This morning reading another author’s words I stopped in my tracks for a moment.”…nor will I waste my energy on engaging with anyone who does not make me feel happy, worthy, equal. I have waited far too long”. THAT is exactly why I chose to start writing blogs. I am sixty-something. And although I am super thankful to know what I know now and to be the perfect me that I am now, I certainly can’t help but wish I could have gained this knowledge of Self Love while I was still in my 30’s.
So. With sharing my knowledge, my wisdom, my experience- my journey to Self Love especially- I hope to help you all do so at a much younger age with a whole lot less trauma along the way. So, if you are joining me here and I hope you do often, you will hear a lot about Self Love from lots of different ways as everyone will resonate with a different approach.
Unfortunately, most of us were not taught Self Love in our formative years. You cannot teach what you do not know. I hope to help you get there sooner and then you can help you children get there even sooner than you did. Can you see where we are going with this? Can you imagine a world where children are taught self love? Can you imagine the quality of relationships that they will have? Can you see how well-balanced and functional they will be? Not to mention compassionate towards others who are not there yet? What a beautiful world it will be! But you can’t get them there unless you have already taken that journey.
Sharing what I have learned, I hope to shorten your journey to Self Love so that you can have an entire lifetime of happiness and quality relationships So where do we start? At the beginning…
First, you have to start inquiring about what you believe to be true about yourself. Do you feel worthy of love? Real Love? Unconditional Love (meaning you don’t have to be this or that in order to receive love, you just being you is enough). Or are your relationships defined by how much you give. (and give and give), while not expecting the other to give in kind? Are you always assuming that other people know more or are better, more deserving than you? These are all red flags that you have some inside work to do.
It took me years to even realize that I always assumed that another person was more worthy than me in someway- YEARS! I did it in my personal relationships, I did it in my professional relationships and now that I look back on it, it is truly astonishing how I undervalued myself! WOW! I knew I was smart but assumed anyone I came across was smarter. I knew I had a great big heart but that didn’t seem to mean much on my own personal radar. Do you know how valuable a compassionate heart is??? My gosh!
So we go around giving, giving, giving not even thinking about receiving or maybe hoping that at some point we will receive love- FROM SOMEBODY ELSE. Ugh, those words today make me nauseous. In reality, if we don’t love ourselves we sure are not going to find it out there! One of the weirdest things (at first) about possessing Self Love is how people’s attitudes towards you changes dramatically once you’ve established yourself as lovable. It’s truly weird but I promise you when you get there, you will experience this.
Wounded people who do not love themselves only get “love” (not REAL love). respect or attention by force or by being a doormat. They bully you into looking up to them in one form or another. Others of us put ourselves last on a consistent basis. We bend over backwards to keep the peace or in an effort to get some affection, some attention, some recognition, some form of validation. We go around in various forms of victim mode, some sort of subservient mode because we do not on some level believe we are worth more than that. Much of this problem comes from being unconscious about our beliefs about ourselves.
It takes a lot of self-inquiry to even begin to know what we believe to be true about ourselves. Not to mention brutal honesty.
For me, it took a lot of brutality to get to the point of saying (and meaning) enough is enough. When I finally got there, I started doing something that I was not entirely conscious of. I started deleting people from my life. I learned that how they were behaving was not personal and that I did not have to take the meanness anymore. I was better off alone. And alone I did! Boy oh boy did I spend years alone. I decided I was not going to accept less than what I offered in any relationship. Nope! Not anymore! I had reached my tipping point, finally after all these years.
Spending significant time alone teaches you much about yourself and gives you great strength and fortitude. And, voila, one day you realize that you will never again have a bad relationship because now you are good with you. And that is a really good place to be!
We will have lots more of these conversations because nothing means more to me than helping you to get where I have FINALLY gotten! As always, I enthusiastically invite your comments, questions, and topics for discussion. I am here for you.