Who is the Most Important Person in Your Life?
Your spouse? Your family? Your kids? Take a moment to consider this and it might save you a ton of grief. People you love and who love you are not here simply to make you feel good.
They are awesome people for sure! But they are here for themselves-on their own path, learning their own lessons, just like you. It does not matter how loving and good they are. And they themselves may not even understand that this is their journey. And perhaps you don’t either.
Having good, supportive loving relationships is more important than anything in my opinion. That being said, people will fail you. It’s not their fault, or yours. It just is. When that does happen, the amount of destruction it causes for you emotionally is up to you. Yep. That is our responsibility. Ugh. Maybe painful but true. We cannot give anyone responsibility for how we feel- no matter how much it hurts.
What about that spouse that you trusted, that you knew oh so well? Or that adult child that was always stellar- best grades, totally successful in their line of work and suddenly they hit rock bottom and they take you with them. What the hell happened? Life was good. And now it’s utter Hell.
We find ourselves debating violently in court with the spouse that was at the very core of our happiness, or dropped entirely from the lives of our beloved kids. Or perhaps the one you love most in the Universe physically left, died. Not that they wanted to.
How on Earth do we keep out of this emotional downfall? By making certain we are good with ourselves. By making sure no matter what our spouse or our kids or our loved ones cannot slay us to the bone. They don’t mean to! But they are here on their own journey and sometimes, it causes us great angst. Superior emotional pain happens that we didn’t see coming.
Doesn’t sound possible, does it? But it does happen. And we are not preparing for the worst- no, no- just simply keeping in check with ourselves. What does that mean and why is it so important?
It means that no matter how much we love another, we must be loving ourselves first and foremost. We must be happy and strong in our own skin. Are we? We find out when sh*t hits the fan. All of our grounded happiness comes crashing down and now is apparently absent and in our utter despair we have no thing and no one to latch onto.
We are thrown into a particular despair we never knew existed. And it is a really deep, dark hole. We have no idea how we got here or how we can possibly get out. We can’t function, and we can’t breathe.
Start one breath at a time, one thought at a time. We begin the journey of self-discovery and lest to say, self-love. At this point you may find yourself hating the world, hating yourself, hating God. Understandable. But something inside of us keeps us going, keeps us searching for answers, keeps us breathing even if we don’t want to.
What is that? Why can’t we just give up and disappear? Because the human “will” to survive is incredibly strong. Doesn’t that just suck? Yes. Yes, it does. But it is there- stubbornly there. So, we start grasping for straws. Perhaps we seek out professional help, perhaps at this point we are on antidepressants but the nagging and sometimes unbearable pain does not go away no matter what. Then what do you do?
Face it. Face the notion that it is up to you to get out of this hellish nightmare. One breath at a time. One thought at a time. Self realization and self help are the same thing to me. Who am I? Do I even matter? Is there a God? Or a reason I am still here? The answer is Yes! an unequivocal yes!
As long and arduous as the journey is, it is the only journey you have at your disposal right now. I often would tell myself “suck it up buttercup”. Again, ugh. Not what I need right now. Or maybe that is the most brilliant thought I can come up with. Maybe, just maybe, that is the thought I needed right now to take yet another breath.
This is when we start searching, searching for anything and anyone that can help breathing not be so painful. Good for you! Yay you! You just took the first step toward finding relief. There are tons of helpful books and people out there who have been through it, podcasts, uplifting meditations-my favorite starting point was listening to Abraham-Hicks on YouTube. You will find the right one for you! You will!
Just keep going, one breath at a time. And in time, you will find it. You will find your strength, your self-worth, even your joy. You will realize that they, whoever they are, did not destroy you. And in time you will find that they not only didn’t destroy you but they helped you become more you!
~And Life Begins Again~